


Only Temporary

by despashito



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, Gen, Insomnia, Just angst, Minor Eridan Ampora/Sollux Captor, eridan just cant sleep, he hates himself, just a ventfic, no capitalization sorry, nothing but sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-30
Updated: 2020-05-30
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:47:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24454684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/despashito/pseuds/despashito
Summary: eridan cannot sleep. he's been suffering with insomnia for the past few nights. he doesn't know how to help it, and doesn't want to burden anyone with his troubling, sickening, narcissistic tales of losing hours of sleep.
Kudos: 8





	Only Temporary

your name is eridan. eridan ampora to be exact.   
you don't remember when you first attempted to go to sleep when you crawled into your recuperacoon last. 

the sun is shining, a horrible glow adds onto the dark contrast of the decor of your room. for the last week, you are the only one of your friends awake during the day hours, making you dreadfully depressed to be alone in your waking hours.   
sure, there are other seadwellers awake, but that doesn't matter. a day or even a moment without talking to your matesprit, sollux, it feels like an eternity going by, and not a good one either.   
the voice from your own head seeps in when you least expect, usually when you are dozing off.   
you will never sleep.  
you are worthless.  
it's pointless, why try.  
why can't you just be normal?  
why can't you be normal, like everyone else?  
why can't you be happy?  
why...?

you shift in your chair, facing your computer. you stare at the trollian client, constantly checking if anyone gets online. obviously, no one does. not even gamzee has, who you are aware of to also occasionally experience insomnia, however when he gets online and talks about it he only says, "oH yEaH iTs NoThInG bRo, i CaN jUsT nAp LaTeR".  
you slump back into the chair's large frame, meanwhile your small figure slides low promptly. 

miserable. you feel absolutely miserable. as much as you're usually willing to keep up your problematic facade, you feel as if it's time to give up.   
no one was ever proud of you for it, why would they be now?  
you were never given a reward for it, why keep it up? you know sollux only likes you for who you truly are, and not the pathetic waste of life you manage upon your form.   
despondent as you are, you close your eyes as your mind goes blank. silence.

you don't fall asleep, however, you only feel lazily sat with your head in your hands, your chin hanging forward.  
your eyelids flutter, you see small fragments of light from your computer, but it is no excuse. you close them once more, the dark bags underneath your eyes make you feel a million times older. a million times more sluggish, you feel.   
you sigh. you're alone...  
no one is here to comfort you. no one to hold you, intertwine their fingers in-between delicate and soft strands of your hair and tell you that it'll be okay, and that they'll even help you sleep. cuddle you and kiss your forehead goodnight.   
if that no one has the first name of sollux, then it brings you down even more. 

you're so dejectedly alone, in the midst of your suffering there is no one to be found. the voice in your head grow by the hour, feeling as if they are all whispering wretched threats and thoughts only to aggravate and arise your fears.   
your fears of not being able to fall asleep.  
your fears of this becoming a lifetime thing, where you are curled up in your recuperacoon but no unconsciousness to be found within.   
you doze off, only to be met with shock and pain afterwards. your eyes snap open and you rub your area of pain - the nose. you look down at the surface of your desk, a violet splat of blood scattered. you must've bonked your head when you dozed off. your glasses are crooked and just waiting to be taken off, and so you do just that. you put them off to the side, and rub your temples. you believe you are starting to get a headache. 

you start to cry. a light shade of violet tears flow down your cheeks, at a slow pace. you don't bother rubbing them off, as you simply sit there sobbing to yourself with your fingers ruffled in your own head of hair. none of this is because of the pain, no. not at all. instead, it's because of the sheer realization that you've come down with an episode of depression due to your insomnia. that just burdens you, with the fact that you've gotten depression from such a simple and deluded thing as insomnia for fuck's sake.  
you well your claws into your head, shedding a few hair strands.   
you want to die. you want it all to end, you want to just become void to not experience *any* of this anymore.

but, as everyone knows ...  
it's only temporary.


End file.
